OK, This Has Been Bugging Me...
For a day now and my wife's wonderful blog pushed me over the edge and I really need to vent about how I feel! First, I am not upset at anyone but myself! I have dropped the ball SO often and SO badly and it never really hit me in the face until yesterday! I was sitting at work, working like I always do and I talked to Colleen on her way home from work and she told me tonight(Thursday) was Jessi's first cheering at the first game! I hung up the phone and got to thinking about that! She didn't ask me if I could get out early, she didn't ask me if I could make the last part of the game. She KNEW that I would be doing what I always do- which is put work first and NOT be there. People on this blog tell me what a great father I am! Let me tell you that yesterday, I felt like I am NOT a good father. I realized that work comes first and my children come second! My wife's work schedule revolves around the kids! Mine takes me to work before they wake up and I get home a whole two hours before they go to bed! I work six days a week- over 60 hours a week so that they can have a nice house, cars, food and things that make them happy. Maybe that isn't what it is all about! What if when my daughter graduates college- which is not all that far away by the way, turns to me and says, "I love you, Dad and you always provided for us but you missed out on A LOT of the things that were important to me!" That KILLS me! I don't want to be that person! Honestly, I don't know what to do about it. They expect me to be there at work on Mondays! Things go friggin haywire when I am not there on Monday. I know the solution- it is actually quite easy! Stop being a slave to Hartt Transportation, take my mondays off like I am supposed to have and lobby my ass off to get my on call down from two weeks to one week! That is hard for me- I am a workaholic and I really hate letting people down! We also can use the money- I am not going to lie! I'm not a young man anymore! I will be 40 next year and my life is more than likely more than half over. Do I want my memories of my children to be that Dad was always working? This is NOT an easy thing for me to talk about! Colleen doesn't even know how I am feeling right now- well, until she reads this! I need to start NOW- this isn't something I can keep putting off and think that work is finally going to say, "OK, you need to go home at 5 PM and take your Mondays off again." That would be nice but with our company monitoring everyone's hours at work and them to not say anything to me about the hours I work! I am respected and people know how hard I work. I need to be there for her next game- I WILL be there! I guess that will be a start!
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11 comments:
Not really sure what to say here since this is all stuff I have been telling you for ages. ...and you are really not missing anything from 3-6 other than me taxiing everyone around and them doing their homework.
And your right, I didn't ask you because I knew you wouldn't leave early. I have tried that before and it does tick me off because you do work 6 days a week, so leaving 2 hours early one of them shouldn't be an issue, but you make it one.
And...Everybody can "use the money."
P.S. Jessi has her next game this Monday.
P.S. The only reason I CAN set my work schedule to revolve around the kids is BECAUSE you work so hard... and that does not go unnoticed, you know?
Also... you pack so much quality time in with the kids on Sundays and evenings that I have no doubt whatsoever that you spend more time hanging out with your kids most fathers that work less do1
Well, that definitely makes me feel better! I know you weren't being mean by not telling me- it made me realize you knew I wouldn't go. Not sure how you replied to me after I went to bed and before I got up but I am glad you did! Thanks! I will be there Monday!
I'm tricky that way.
You are a hard worker Rick...Maybe you work too much...but you are also a very devoted father...You are what they show for a picture next to the word Family Man in the dictionary! I'm sure Jessie would love it if you could make it to her games. Even if you couldn't hit all of them.
Are we going to see make up sex on your blog too? haha! Kidding!
Honestly, my dad was one of those dad's who busted his butt working ALL the time and hardly spent much time with Karen and I. He thought by providing for us he was giving us what we needed - which wasn't the case because what we really needed AND wanted was just our dad to pay attention a little more. He sees that now. But now I understand why he worked so much - if he hadn't my mom wouldn't have been able to stay at home.
I can see why it's difficult to work less and spend more time with your family. Money is a very powerful thing. And like Colleen said, we all could use the money.
Thanks, Jewels! LOL- Kristie! I do know what you are talking about though- I don't want my kids to be like that!
ROFL.... i am SHOCKED that people commented... I thought this post would not have been touched with a 10 foot pole!!
Didn't want Rick to think we were avoiding him because of the blog. Especially after my whole rant about getting into with my grandmother I put on mine. :)
I was looking for my ten ft pole... ;)
You know you are a good Dad bro.... Like colleen said you pack quality time in when you have it.
You'll get the balance figured out. I have faith.
I thought people would avoid it but it isn't like I NEVER put controversial stuff on my blog! If I didn't want the answer, I wouldn't ask the question! I got out of work today at 3:45 PM and went and watched Jessi cheer so I am serious about this! Thank you for putting your input on here! I appreciate it! I even took the pager this week so I won't have to take it for the Christmas Party! I sense a real good drunk coming that night! I know I can't wait for Dec. 20!
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